Where in the World Have I Been?

This was going to be called "Merit Pay, Part Deux", but that seemed a bit pretentious. I suppose that I'll just stick with "Where in the World Have I Been?"

I've not posted anything in a long while and before I truly begin, allow me to explain my reasons...
1st - The whole concept of merit pay and NCLB pisses me off to such a degree that my hair actually hurts. They cause me physical pain in my hair...among other places.
2nd - I'm not so sure that this is going to do any "good" other than give me something to read in between the rants that I engage myself in.

Ok, now merit pay...

April 20th is the beginning of the end. The beginning of the end of the school year. For all intents and purposes, the school year ends four days from April 20th. Book it. Set it in stone. Have T-shirts made up to commemorate it. April 24th will be the last (meaningful) day of school of the 2008-2009 school year. How do I know this? Say it with me..."The CRCT lasts from the 20th until the 24th." Once the kids are tested...who cares, right?

Well...I do for one, but who's counting?

We're finally going to see if those teachers did their collective jobs. The test will definitively show us who is smart and who was not taught properly. I say, "not taught properly" because according to No Child Left Behind every child is smart and motivated to learn. If they don't learn...it's the teachers' fault. Teachers can be so sneaky. I marvel at how they manage to teach one subgroup while ignoring the others...when they're all in the same classroom! It's hard to come up with code words so that information can be passed from teacher to pupil, but still make sure that "the others" don't get it. Think of the planning involved. The meetings. The sneaking about. It's all very cloak-and-dagger. The professors at The John Grisham School of Education would be proud.

Oh, and did I mention that The Test measures what the students learned during their 36 weeks of school? Even though the test is given after only 31 weeks? Anyone ever done THAT math? I have. 31 and 36 aren't equivalent...that means "equal" to all of you kids who I've neglected to teach over the years. To those of you who I DID teach...the meeting is at the same place as 3 weeks ago. Coded message to follow: It rained in the park yesterday...Mary had a little lamb...my dog has fleas.

My pay could be based on that? I figured that I should at least do some figuring. That's what I came up with...31 < 36.

I feel like a 21st century Columbus, "No. The Earth isn't flat! Just open your eyes!"

"No way, Columbus! You're crazy! We prefer to believe what others tell us, and not explore the facts for ourselves."

Well...perhaps I'm not quite on the level of Mr. Columbus, but you get the idea.

Oh, before I forget, have you seen Hard Times at Douglas High? Must see TV. It's a 2005/6 documentary filmed at Frederick Douglas High School in Baltimore, MD. It details the struggles of the teachers and students at an almost all black HS. Very revealing. It's on HBO this month. Try to catch it.

My hair is beginning to hurt. It's time for a Goody's and a cold one.

Merit Pay, Part I

"Merit Pay"
It sounds...well, almost noble.
"I will be paid based on my merit."
Has a nice ring to it.
Even the definition of merit is appealing: character or conduct deserving reward, honor, or esteem...to be worthy of...
How can one not like that? I will be rewarded and honored! Where do I sign up?!
Well...life ain't exactly like a box of chocolates. Or if it is then I'm not eating chocolate ever again.
We all know what merit pay really is: a way to motivate (i.e. threaten) teachers into working even harder than they presently do so test scores will go up. It's the financial equivalent of a spoiled child holding his breath until the caring (albeit a bit naive) parent succumbs. It's blackmail. It's an outright threat. But guess what...teachers will continue doing what they've done for decades and teach those kids, spend their own money, and do whatever else needs to be done. And at the end of the day? They'll shoulder the burden and the blame for those kids who just don't care or who simply can't do it. Yes. Base teachers' pay on that.
President Obama favors merit pay. And to reward and honor him I would like to suggest that his pay be based on his performance. How would that work? AIG bailout: he loses $1,200. Nominee for some cabinet post isn't approved: he loses $800. Approval rating drops to 58%: he loses $1410. Bet that would light a fire under is presidential can.
Perhaps we could base everyone's pay on merit!
Cops don't solve the big heist? It's gonna cost 'em each $315.
"My Big Mac only had one pickle on it!" There's $18.95 that kid'll never see again.
...I can see it now...
"Hey! My sideburns aren't even!" $23.
"You missed a spot!" $14.50.
"This shirt is missing a button!" $9.99.
And the best part of it all? Yep...it's so practical.
Ok, so it's not practical. So why do so many people support it? Simple. Their jobs aren't based on "merit". You're going to base my pay on the performance of some 10 year olds on a test? What if the kid is sick, has test anxiety, has suffered a traumatic brain injury, had a fight with his mom, missed the bus, missed breakfast, is being abused, has mental difficulties, had a fight with dad, misses dad because he's in jail, misses mom because she ran off and left the kids with grandma, or the myriad of other things that effect the psyche of kids. It's not practical, but it IS insulting.
You want me to be accountable? Super. Give me a list of things to do and I'll do them. Just don't change the list, stop funding the stuff on the list, increase the size of the list, or penalize me for doing the stuff on the list in a more logical order...based on the people working on the list. At the end of the year I will present you with a completely checked off list and my personal assurance that everything was well done.
One last thing before I end for the evening...you tell teachers that their pay is going to be based on test scores...who do you think is going to volunteer to teach those kids who have learning disabilities, behavior issues, and/or little motivation? You might just as well put all the kids in little green sweaters with $$ on the front. Teachers'll be trying to figure out how much this latest class is going to cost them.

Alright, gang, let's get a few of things straight. I'm an up front kinda guy, so I don't want any misunderstandings here.

1. I'm an up front kinda guy.

2. I don't want/like/nor need any misunderstandings here.

3. This is my first attempt at blogging, so constructive criticism only...I'm sensitive like that.

4. I'm a teacher in a public school and I am NOT an idiot or a slacker.

5. No Child Left Behind is a joke.

6. I'm happy to say that you will find me proudly ringing the bell curve.

...and lastly...

7. I have no real belief that anyone other than myself will ever read this, so I can say what I want to!!